How to Keep Your Job

There's been some drama(!) at the Agency lately. So for all those out there about to start a new job with a probationary period of any length, here are some friendly tips for how to stay employed.

1. Arrive at the office reasonably close to your starting time.
2. If you say that you are out of the office at another location, actually be at that other location.
3. Leave the office reasonably close to quitting time.
4. Don't take a 3 hour lunch, especially when you arrive late and leave early.
5. Don't "work from home" without permission.
6. Don't throw temper tantrums.

And finally, for the men, control your spontaneous erections. Seek medical help, psychological help, tight compression shorts or whatever else it takes not to freak people out. One time may be excusable, but more than that and you might just be a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. No one likes taking on that type of liability (or seeing the tents that you are pitching).