It's been just around six weeks since my dad died.
People have told me that I'll find "a new normal," but for now it just all still seems surreal.
There's a lot I want to document about everything that happened, but I can't. Not yet.
I don't cry every day anymore, but I've reached the point where something out of the blue, or the little things, will upset me and make me sad. Stuff like passing by the merlot section in BevMo. It's never been my favorite varietal, but it was my dad's favorite, so I'd always buy him a nice bottle for the holidays that we'd end up sharing. Tonight I wrote out all the cards for my parents' grandkids, grand-nieces & grand-nephews on behalf of my mom. Then I realized that with my mom's condition (dementia) and my dad's passing, there'd be no more cards for me from my parents on special occasions. And I still can't bear to read a newspaper when I'm up in San Francisco, because my dad and I would always swap sections.
I have no idea how to get through this Christmas weekend.