Blog Humbug

I'm still rather distressed about the events of last week involving Big Bad. It was really bad. Like walking out after five minutes because I didn't want to go further without a union rep bad. And having a $7K raise delayed for at least six months bad. And feeling totally singled out because other people have done a hell of a lot worse and never got reprimanded in this way type of bad. But I don't want to write post after post about his awfulness, especially during what should be a festive time of year. So indulge me in a bit of silliness. I promise it will give you great material with which to mock me for most of 2009.

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of ice skating, both viewing it and participating myself. I'm also a fan of Twilight. Today my two hobbies became enmeshed after I purchased the Twilight soundtrack and listened to Bella's Lullaby.

That piece of music will totally be 'da bomb for my skating program next season!

I already have part of it plotted out in my head: use the first 30-40 seconds, cut out the next thirty, then edit in the final minute. One crescendo can be used for footwork into a really pretty spiral sequence. The final crescendo can lead into a jump or jump combination, followed by concluding in a scratch spin --- one of those dizzying, really fast, one-foot ones that get faster as the spin progresses. Like this:



It.will.be.awesome. :-)

I don't even have to worry about finding a costume since I have two skating dresses that will work for the music, both which have lots of silver (possible spoiler in the link if you haven't read the book or seen the movie) sparkles. However neither dress is the Twilight skating dress by Jerry's Skatewear. I haven't completely gone insane.

Fierce at Fifty

Two Fridays ago (I'm so behind on blogging!) my co-workers and I took MissFab out to celebrate her birthday. MissFab truly is fabulous: outspoken, stylish, an expert in her field and possesses a heart of gold. Much like Samantha on SATC without all the freakiness.

We started our evening at Las Campanas at the Mission Inn.

We all had massive margaritas. There were also several yummy quesadillas and flautas (and a not-so-yummy ceviche), but we were a hungry bunch. I couldn't take a picture fast enough.

We had tequila shots too.

There was a purpose behind loading up on alcohol. We needed the liquid courage for what lay ahead in the evening. MissFab thought we were just having a happy hour. Little did she know that we were also going to be doing a little bit of dancing. Lap dancing and pole dancing to be specific!
We were all signed up for a private dance class through From Mind to Body. It was the most hysterical 90 minutes that I can recall ever spending with co-workers. First we had to pair off. Then we each took turns being the dancer and the recipient as we learned the choreography. Start with grinding up against the wall, then drop it like it's hot and start crawling towards your partner. Massage your partner's legs with your arms as you snake your chest back and forth, then rise and repeat the grinding while you are essentially straddling your partner's lap. Then do a seductive walk around your partner, massage their back and chest while standing behind them, thrust your boobs into the curve of their neck, walk back to the front and do some more grinding. Oh and caress yourself sexily whenever you have the opportunity to do so. Now, that all seems pretty silly in writing. It is even sillier when done with people you know! Everyone was a great sport about it though and got into the routine in their own way. Fraggle & SoccerMom took the prize for most interpretive when they started making their best "RAWR" faces while crawling. MsClass showed us her wild side my literally letting her hair down and flipping it all around. Other folks, MissFab included, worked diligently on committing the routine to memory. As for myself, I couldn't look my class partner in the eye without completely cracking up and had to disengage while dancing, gazing at the wall instead. I guess that's what jaded strippers actually do? Not that I would really know or anything ..... just going off what I've heard.

After learning a lap dance we moved on to learning basic pole dancing maneuvers such as the Walk, the Half-Swing, Basic Spin, Spin w/ Leg Extension, the Leg Stroke and what I truly excelled at: the Pirouette into Slow Sliding Squat. That would totally be my signature move.

In addition to doing private lessons for parties, the studio also markets a weekly series of these classes for fitness purposes. I have to admit, we had all worked up a pretty good sweat by the end of class and almost all of us had muscle soreness to a degree the next day.

And because I'm sure you're all dying to know, Eddie has not yet reaped the benefits of my dance lesson. I really don't know when he will. I imagine it would be on a day when a lot of alcohol is consumed. But I can't imagine actually doing the dance without one or both of us laughing our asses off. :-)

Guess Who's an Adult Now?

This goofy, playful, cuddly bundle of fur!

Jack turned three years old last week, which means that he is completely out of puppyhood. We think. We hope. He was treated to his traditional birthday dinner of a plain burger and fries a few days earlier, but he got spoiled nonetheless on the actual day of. After work I stopped by a new frou-frou doggie bakery in town. You know high end dog treats are a trend that is here to stay when such a bakery opens up in BFE. Of course I also had to pick up some party favors for Jack's best buddies Mimi and Bailey. The "party" was planned for later that evening at the lawn in front of our building. Below is a sampling of what the dogs got to enjoy and take home.

Jack also got a few gifts from his buddies including new chew toys and white chocolate dipped Milkbone biscuits. He is one spoiled little furball!

My Lamest Facebook Moment Thus Far

Above photo selected since Piersol (center) is overall a bit easier on the eyes than Phelps. And since the other relay swimmers deserve credit too.

Last night, while watching my most recent drug of choice (the Olympics), Bob Costas asked Michael Phelps about his status as the most "friended" person with celebrity status on Facebook. I think Phelps said that when he had logged on a few days earlier he had approximately 7000 requests pending. Can you see where this post is headed? ;-) I looked over at Eddie and said, "I wonder how long it would take him to get to my friend request if I were to add him?" Well my friends, the countdown starts today. Obviously I need more hobbies.

PSA to the all the fake Michael Phelps from Baltimore: If you have only 6 friends listed under your profile or if all your friends are teenyboppers from a high school in another state altogether, people will have a hard time buying that you are the same dude that won 8 gold medals in one Olympics. Just sayin'.